Wow!  After 5 months away from the blog, two updates in a day!  One theme that has been ever present as this latest school year has begun has been the boys’ social experiences. 

First grade for Alek has been a challenge.  We think we’re finally beginning to see the effects his severe neglect had as he was not privy to the kinds of mental stimulation during crucial developmental years while in his orphanage.  While American babies and toddlers benefit from constant interactions from loving family and friends, nurturing them and teaching them; exposing them to learning tools that encourage language.  All of these experiences of which Alek was robbed are showing their impact.

Alek is a ‘cool kid’.  He oozes cool.  Kids love him and he is a prince on the playground.  Getting him into preschool two weeks after bringing him home helped him to learn in time how best to interact with his peers, and his peers like him very much – even older kids like him.  But in the classroom he’s starting to struggle.

In Kindergarten he was a little behind the curve but showed tremendous progress after the winter break.  Still behind, his teacher ensured us he was progressing the way all children do, he just started doing it a little later.  It wasn’t a matter of ‘if’ he would catch up, just a matter of when.

Now in first grade when most of his peers are reading and writing with ease, he is still struggling to recognize his sight words and transmit what he is thinking into a written sentence.  He is getting it, but with great difficulty.  He is also challenged with math and forgets to check if an equation is asking for addition or subtraction.  Because his reading isn’t yet up to par, when he has word problems an additional struggle is presented. To add to his frustration, he insists comparing himself to the top performers in his class and has often called himself ‘stupid’ (which breaks my heart).  He also sees his brother doing well academically.  The boys go to a wonderful school.  The team there called us to an ‘SST’ meeting (Student Success Team).  It was quite overwhelming as we expected to see his teacher there and, perhaps, the Principal or Vice Principal, and maybe the school psychologist.  When we got there we were greeted by Alek’s teacher, the Principal, Vice Principal, a third grade teacher training to facilitate these meetings, the school psychologist, the program administrator, and a sixth grade teacher who was facilitating the meeting.  I felt emotion in my throat immediately.

The meeting lasted about 45 minutes and in that time we discussed his strengths, his weaknesses, concerns, other skills, and what we could all do as a team to help get him up to speed.  It filled me up to see all these people collected and interested in our son’s success.  Their concern and care touched me deeply.  We spoke about his background as they asked about gestation and infanthood which, of course, we had little information. It was emotional for us and for them interestingly.  I still choke up three years later when we are asked about their early years.  But we are confident he’ll start to pick it up.  It’s still early in the school year and we treat each of his success like a milestone.

On the other hand, while Zack is getting along well in school, he’s still a socially awkward kid.  He sees his brother getting on well with everyone and tries too hard to be funny, or liked, which usually turns out bad.  Both boys this fall have been playing soccer for our local AYSO organization. Alek has proven to be quite the little athlete and his confidence has soared (he’s a heck of a goalie!), while Zack’s has been tested.  He is playing with kids who have a lot of skills and have been playing for a long time.  He wants to come in and show them all what he knows, which makes him difficult to coach and teach.  His coach has been wonderful; a former pro soccer player for Mexico, he took Zack under his wing.  But when we were out at practice, Alek would get on the field and play with Zack’s team.  They all took to him calling him ‘little guy’.  Zack’s ego would get the best of him and he’d try and show up his brother, usually getting the opposite effect.  In short, Zack would get in the car in tears sometimes because his team mates teased him.  Rightfully so, as he was trying to be something he was not.  He has had to learn to be himself and honor what he does not know.  Zack has had to eat some humble pie at times, a lesson he continues to learn. 

That said we know that by remaining consistent we’ll get the lessons learned.  We are grateful to be such a powerful parenting team.  We have noticed that some parents do not discipline their kids as firmly in public because, from what I have heard, they might be embarrassed by what others might think of them.  In our way of thinking, kids will pick up on that and choose to act out publicly more often.  During the High Holy days this year, I had one such experience with Zack…

During these holidays the boys are out of school and at the temple service with us.  Our synagogue provides services for kids, splitting up age groups for toddlers, kids ages 5 – 8 and 9 – 12, and then runs a teen service as well.  Zack tends to gravitate toward the older.  Zack informed me he wasn’t going to the kid’s service but would be attending the teen service.  He said his friend Dillon was in the teen service so he’d be going too. I asked how old Dillon was.  Zack said ‘13’.  I told Zack that he wasn’t ‘ten-teen’ so he wouldn’t be attending the service.  He snapped back at me, in public, to the point where another adult commented to him that his tone was inappropriate toward me.  I looked back at him and he crossed his arms and said he wasn’t going.  I told him that was fine, that he cold sit with me in the adult service.  He said ‘no’ and around we went.  Finally I told him if he didn’t change his tone with me we’d be going to see his dad.  He continued to show disrespect so I grabbed him firmly by his upper arm (we had a small audience) and dragged him to where Rick was.  He yanked his arm from me and I grabbed it back, and so it went until we got around the corner.  Zack sat down and said ‘Why did you have treat me that way in front of everyone??’ to which I responded ‘If you’re going to speak to me that way in front of everyone that is how you will be treated’.  Needless to say it hasn’t happened since.  I sometimes amaze myself at the things I come up with.  But as much as I think Rick and I are teaching our kids, they continue to teach us as well.  Thank heavens for them!

So that should do it for now.  Will keep you posted – be sure to check the albums as I’ve uploaded a couple of new ones.  The other albums have been running almost since the beginning of this blog.  The boys have grown so much, I thought you’d like to see their progress.

Keep checking back.  I don’t know when I’ll have time to update.  I’m looking for a full time position as my kids are eating me out of house and home so time will become even more of a commodity very soon. Thanks for your support.  Keep your great comments coming.  Love hearing from you.

Cheers,

B.J.