So, it's been a few months.  Truth be told my computer was quite sick and not working well.  I've actually made several attempts at an update but have been unsuccessful.  It got very frustrating to the point that even attempting to access this blog caused me stress - stress about letting down readers who look forward to updates and stress about the thought of spending an hour trying to write a paragraph only to lose it because of 'technical difficulties'.  I'm nearly 43 and my hair has yet to turn grey (and I don't color) and I was facing the possibility that my computer might turn me grey even before my kids!  Anyway, all in all 2008 has been fun thus far.  Lots of ups and downs, lessons, scraped faces (I'll get to that), hugs, kisses, and inevitably someone getting sent to his room for one reason or another...

So let's start with teeth...

Alek has lost another on the bottom and just last night discovered one of his two front teeth on the top is now loose as well!  I found myself being a little sad because as he starts getting those big teeth the last remanents of his 'little boy-ness' will go the way of the tooth fairy! It's amazing to see how both boys are growing and changing.  We are starting to expect more responsibility from them.  Zackary is stepping up to the challenge, although he has his moments, but Alek has days where he'd rather play.  When I tell him I don't feel like doing his laundry or cooking him dinner anymore he gets upset but is learning that, as a family, we all have responsibilities we must take on in order for the team to work.  And I don't want the boys to grow up thinking someone is going to do everything for them.  I want them to rely on their own steam.

Scrapes and scratches...

It amazes me how quickly kids heal.  Last week Rick was away on business.  The boys and I were hanging out and we decided to take the dogs for a walk.  The boys took their bike (Alek) and scooter (Zack) and away we went.  We live near the top of a hill and the boys took off down the hill at break neck speed.  Now, I have two basset hounds.  They couldn't care one bit about having a good run.  They just like to sniff and explore.  So it took little time for the boys to be out of my line of sight.  Next thing I hear is Alek screaming at the top of his lungs.  I TRIED to get the dogs to move but something was very smelly in the bushes and the need to run was overpowered by their sense of smell.  And when Basset Hounds don't want to move, well, they don't.  A moment later Zack was coming up the hill calmly but quickly.  At this point I was kind of dragging the dogs with me and making my way to the boys.  As soon as I saw Zack, who said 'Mom, Alek is hurt', I handed him the dogs and ran the rest of the way.  It looked worse than it was but there was no lack of drama.  Whoever said girls are more dramatic than boys haven't met mine. 

Alek was bloody from the tip of his nose to the bottom of his chin (thank GOD for helmets).  He flopped down on the grass when I got to him (a couple of neighborhood girls were there and helped walk him to me) and told me he needed to go to the hospital.  I lay with him and very calmly checked him out to make sure no bones were broken, that his nose was in one piece and that nothing had been bitten in his mouth.  Everything checked out and, aside from a nasty case of 'road rash', Alek was fine.  That's not to say he didn’t milk it relentlessly…

The following day Rick took the boys to school and Alek was fine... until he got out of the car.  Then he started to wince, but would look around to see who might be watching his performance.  We cracked up over that.  Now, just two weeks later, the entire injury is almost completely healed.  Simply amazing how quickly that happened!

Another incident happened earlier this year that really bothered me as it involved one of Zack's teachers. I can't recall if I wrote about this in an earlier post, or if it was one of the posts that I had attempted to post unsuccessfully.  If this is a repeat then, my apologies.  But this experience really set the bar for determining when to support discipline at the school level, and when to be a champion for your child.  This was a time for the latter.  I know that Zack can be a challenge.  He is bright and very justice driven, and he has a drive to be right.  Apparently there was a science program being piloted at his school and the kids had books on loan from the publisher. Before the next section could be received the first batch of books had to be returned to the publisher.  Apparently all the books got turned in but one... Zackary's.  But Zack truly misunderstood what was expected of him. When he got written up for the mis-step, and began telling me about what had happened, his eyes welled up and I could just feel his frustration.  He truly tried to do the right thing.  I decided in this case I needed to talk with the science teacher. She was not receptive initially, with quite a defensive stance.  I quickly assured her I was not intending to lambast her, nor would I defend my son for the sake of defending him. But in this case I was certain it was a simple misunderstanding on his part.  I found out she never bothered to read his file and had no idea he was an English language learner. We turned his punishment into an opportunity to learn about active listening and how to improve this skill. As a parent it was empowering to stand up for my child in a way that made no one wrong but rather created an opportunity for learning.

As far as discipline, we've had our share with the boys.  Much of their behaviors now, we believe, are very age appropriate and not different from other parents' experiences. While some stuff may be affected by past experiences, it is clear that the boys are very well adjusted and doing awesome.  In January Alek turned 6 and in March, Zack turned 10.  A big birthday, yes, but we had to pull the party.  Zack started getting very argumentative and defiant about doing his homework.  It was all about playing, watching T.V., and computer games.  We monitor closely his computer activities and bargain with him for time - if he reads for an hour, he gets to play for an hour - MAX!  While this is a different day and age, Rick and I feel very strongly about getting the boys outside to play rather than staying inside.  We have not yet purchased video games or DS play stations and believe in ensuring the boys get the best of both worlds - becoming proficient on the computer, but also moving their bodies. So we became aware that Zack wasn't being entirely forthcoming about the homework he was getting at school. We told him if it didn't change we'd pull the  party.  Well, Zack tested that threat and, believing we must stand by anything we say, we had to pull the party.  It made for some impressive fireworks at our house, but he started getting back on the ball so we decided to let him invite 3 friends to see a movie and have some ice cream.  He managed to negotiate a fourth and we had a great day with the boys.

I also think it was a good lesson.  Zack once again gets that we mean what we say, as well, he continues to see the value in doing his best at school - not only for the rewards he may receive at home, but for the rewards he gets just for doing a great job at school.  Most recently Zack and his class had a big project that was due last Friday, March 29.  The kids had various topics to choose from, and Zack chose Global Warming. The kids were given the month of March to work on their projects, culminating in their presentations last Friday, right before Spring Break.  Friday I got a call from Zack directly from his class.  He did so well that his teacher asked him to call me, and then I heard his entire class yell "It was awesome!"  THOSE are the kinds of rewards that will push Zackary to continue to give his very best.  He also was one of only three students out of 20 to receive a '4' - the top grade in the class.  It was so great to see this success. 

We also had his conference with his teacher this week and we spoke about how he has come so far in just 2 short years.    But one thing I am noticing is that Zack lacks the confidence to speak up for himself.  When that science book incident happened I asked him why he didn't say something to his teacher and his reply was "because I thought I'd get in more trouble".  For now we're focused on helping him understand where his responsibilities lie - in the home, at school, and with others. Zack's tendency is to try and herd everyone. He needs to make sure he's in line and understand he does not have to be in charge of his class mates (or his brother, or anyone else for that matter at the moment).  As he learns his place and understands how his actions affect those around him, we are seeing him transform into an even lovlier being.

Both boys are tremendous.  We love them with every cell of our beings.  We are in awe of what they have and continue to accomplish...

One of these days I'll get more pictures up.  What's there is now over a year old and they have changed so much.  I can't promise a time, but it is on my list of 'things to do'.

Thanks for checking back.  It has taken me the entire day to get this entry done but I'm glad to provide the updates. Keep checking.

Be well,

B.J.